


i'll meet you at the divide

by alphathorinrock



Category: Thor (Movies)
Genre: Almost attempted suicide, Angst with a Happy Ending, God that sounds horrible, M/M, Sort Of, im sorry, its not meant to, ragnarok spoilers, set sometime after ragnarok, shitty conversation starter, trigger warning-thoughts of suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-11
Updated: 2017-11-16
Packaged: 2019-01-31 21:07:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,669
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12690258
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alphathorinrock/pseuds/alphathorinrock
Summary: ‘You must know that you have always been more than a brother to me, have always meant more to me. I will always love you, Loki. In whatever way that you will let me.’





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> just stating again, there is thoughts of attempting suicide in this, so please, if this is a trigger for you or something that you are not comfortable with, you have been warned and may not want to continue reading.
> 
> there are sort of ragnarok spoilers? but they're minimal. if you haven't seen the movie yet, its not going to ruin it, but you may want to wait until after you've seen it to read this little ficlet. 
> 
> anyway, i hope you enjoy, and thanks for reading.

It could all end here.

On a Midguardian winter’s night.

Alone and cold.

It could end.

 

He sat with his legs dangling over the edge of the Skarnsund Bridge, wind biting into his skin, whipping tendrils of his hair about the place. He knew it could be all too easy to just slip off, splatter into the freezing rapids below, and no one would know.

Frigga would probably be devastated, but she would never grieve for him like a birthmother could. Odin was probably more than happy to forget him; after all, he'd done nothing but embarrass the man that had tried to save him. But they were both gone now, both lost to him many years ago, so what would their thoughts matter anyway.

But what of Thor? What would he think? Truly losing a brother who had fought and feuded with him for most of their immortal lives?

He could not think about it. All that Loki could think of was the water raging below him, and how sweet it would be to slide into it, never to surface again. The tide would take his troubles away, and into the next life he would venture. Taking a deep breath, he braced his hands next to his thighs, ready to knock at the gates of Valhalla. Just as he was about to move,  a looming figure made their presence known.

'The weather's always terrible this time of year.' Thor said. He folded himself into the space next to him, glancing up at the night sky, the brilliant clusters of stars dancing across the surface of his eyes.

Loki stared at him, his head still cloudy with too many emotions. The conversation starter, terrible as it may be, was enough of a distraction for him to keep his perch on the bridge. He laughed, the bubbles of energy starting out slow, and increasing with tempo and pitch with each new wave that burst from him. By the time his manic chuckles came to a close, Loki found himself clutching at his abdomen.

'It's winter in Norway, Thor. Honestly, what were you expecting?' He said, hearing the pathetic crack of his voice. He knew his brother could hear it too, could see it in the broken smile he turned his way.

Loki’s already aching heart gave a wild clench. How could he leave Thor? After everything they have been through together? Without even saying goodbye?

' _No_ ', he thought, ' _I have to at least **try**_.'

Thor’s broken smile turned sweet, his eyes softening as he studied Loki’s face. ‘I expected it to be warmer than this, at least. But it’s not so bad, sitting next to you.'

Loki's heart clenched harder. He slid back a little from the edge. The movement didn’t go unnoticed by Thor, who leant on the arms he stretched behind him, returning his gaze to the stars.

‘What is it that you want, brother?’ Loki said, not mad at Thor’s presence, but merely confused that, after everything, he was still here, by his side, ever faithful.

Thor narrowed his eyes at the clouds idly floating with the wind miles above them. ‘To be with you, Loki.’

‘You are with me now, you were with me yesterday, and you will be with me tomorrow...’

‘Will I?’ Thor said, cutting Loki off. His voice bit harder than the wind; it turned the spit in Loki’s mouth sour. ‘there is a dark cloud hanging above you, brother. I am worried that you will float away with it,’ he looked to the water swirling below them. ‘away from me.’

‘Thor I…’

‘No, I don’t think you understand,’ he shook his head, pulling his hands into his lap, picking at the fluff under his finger nails. ‘since we lost… since we lost everything, Loki, you are the only thing I have left,’ turning once again to the stars, Thor scanned the sky, looking for the space which once held their home. ‘Asgard is a people, yes, but you, Loki… _you_ are my home.’

The turmoil of emotions inside Loki boiled further, his confusion only growing at Thor’s confession. ‘How do you still love me? _How_ , when I have tormented you, _all these years,_ I have done nothing but reject you, revolt against you, why do you still _want_ me? _Why do you still want me?’_

He didn’t even know that tears were spilling from his eyes until Thor was wiping them from his cheeks. Thor pulled him into his chest, let his tears seep into his shirt, let all the unspoken hurt and disagreement between them dissolve away into the cold, midnight air.

‘You must know that you have always been more than a brother to me, have always _meant_ more to me. I will always love you, Loki. In whatever way that you will let me.’

Loki clung to Thor like a lifeline. The sobs that wracked through him broke his body in two, but it didn’t matter; Thor held him, strong and steadfast, reliable, like his love for Loki. Bathing in the security, Loki drained his emotions out of his body through his tear ducts, and Thor continued to hold him, stroking his back, his hair, his cheek. He did not comment, only witnessed as Loki fell apart and slowly put himself back together again.

When the crying had stopped, and Loki had no more salt in his body to lose, he allowed himself to be pulled away from the edge and lowered back onto his wobbly feet. Thor took his face in his hands, mopping up the remaining tears with his sleeve. He placed a kiss on each of Loki’s puffy eyes, on the crest of each of his cheeks and on the tip of his nose.

‘I love you, Loki.’ He whispered, letting the wind carry the words to Loki’s ears.

Loki felt himself shiver, but not from the cold. He lent into Thor’s fingertips, savoured their warm pressure. Fearing his voice would waver and shake if he dared to use it, he opted to use his actions instead (after all, they spoke louder than words). Loki pushed further into Thor’s space, their noses bumping as he slid their lips together. It was nothing more than a sweet second delectable pressure, but it was enough to say what he wanted to.

When he leant away, Loki was almost blinded by Thor’s smile. For the third time that hour, he felt his heart clench, and as he looked at the cute crinkle of Thor’s eyes, the fondness in his expression, he felt it thud an irregular beat. This, he realised, was _love._

Thor took his hand in his, drawing Loki in close, and began to walk him towards land. In the minutes past midnight, Loki decided that he would let Thor love him, and he would never let himself stop loving Thor. He knew, somewhere within his frozen heart, that Thor deserved better than him, someone that could _love_ him better. Someone a little more whole and little less broken.

But Loki was Thor’s home.

And, walking off of the Skarnsund Bridge, Loki realised that Thor was his home, too.


	2. Chapter 2

They had no one to explain themselves to any more.

They had history, yes, millennia of it, but none of that mattered anymore; people knew Thor and Loki as just that, _Thor and Loki._ Not God’s, not brothers, just two men living their lives together with absolutely nothing to break them apart. It was refreshing, in a way, like the slate was wiped clean and they had no false pretences, no foreboding names that they had to live up to, they could just _be._

Loki stroked his fingers through the golden hair attached to the head that was tucked under his chin, chuckling as Thor mumbled about mead in his sleep. It was a cool winter’s night in Kyoto, the city lights casting wild shadows through their apartment. Though it was far milder than that one night in Norway, Loki couldn’t help but reflect back on the memory of sitting on the edge of that bridge. At the time, he had thought that the solution to his amounting problems lay within the water rushing below him. It felt like a lifetime ago, which, in reality, it was; it had been many, many decades since that horrible time in his life. And in that time, Loki had learned to love himself again.

In more ways than one, he was grateful for Thor. Whilst he was definitely _not_ the solution to all of his woes, he had definitely saved Loki that night, and he certainly did help Loki to realise that life had many ups, and so many downs. Mistakes would always be made, forgiveness wouldn’t always be easy, but love was as simple as breathing, and no one could ever take love away from you, no matter how hard they tried. Happiness was a fleeting feeling, but Loki was one of the lucky ones who felt it frequently now. Because he _was_ happy, living out his immortal life, with Thor by his side.

Thor squirmed on his chest, rubbing stubble burn into the skin of his collarbones. Loki made a noise of discomfort, stroking a palm down the dense muscles of Thor’s bare back to soothe him. He did not mind that Thor weighed a literal tonne; Loki had grown to appreciate every facet of him, and never did he feel more secure than when Thor was asleep on him, completely at ease and keeping Loki awake with his snoring. It'd taken him a long time to trust again, to learn to trust Thor. It took even longer to get used to the fact that Thor trusted Loki implicitly. They'd fought a lot, in the beginning. Never about anything serious, but their arguments always contained poorly veiled barbs about deeper problems. It took a lot of time, but eventually they got over their issues, worked through them, together.

Slowly, very slowly, Thor had pulled down the wall that Loki had encased himself in, filed down all his burred edges, and helped him patch over all the damage in his soul. He helped him crawl out of his penance pit of self loathing and depression, all by being the first person to forgive him. There was no part that was truly easy, especially acceptance; of his past, of his present, of Thor’s love for him. But loving Thor was the easiest thing Loki had ever done. And if it was the only good thing he would accomplish in his lifetime, so be it; Thor was good enough for the both of them. He tried, though, very hard, for Thor’s sake, but mostly his own. To be kind, to be patient, to be good, to love, and to look after, himself. Himself first, and then the world. And that was what he did.

Loki had thanked Thor once, stumbling over his words at the breakfast table. Thor had looked at him with such open fondness, such love and admiration. He cupped Loki’s cheek in his hand, kissed him softly with lips tasting of coffee, and said 'you waking each morning, whole and hale, is more thanks than I could ever ask for’. It was the first time, in a very long time, that Loki had felt normal.

After waking himself up with a throaty snore, Thor wearily lifted his head, smiling a crinkly-eyed smile at Loki. He cleared his throat, and Loki watched as the light danced across the angles of his jaw.

‘Stop thinking so loudly, you’re keeping the city awake.’ Thor said, leaning up to kiss the tip of Loki’s nose.

‘I think you will find that no one can hear my thoughts over your snoring, brother.’ He retorted, huffing softly at Thor’s eye-roll.

He allowed Thor to roll them so that they were lying on their sides, legs slotting together like jigsaw pieces. They kissed lazily, their bad breath mingling and their hair knotting on the pillows. Loki lived for nights like this, where he could simply _enjoy_ the breaths that he took. He savoured his time spent exploring cities by day and Thor’s body by night.

‘I do not snore.’ Thor said, jutting out his bottom lip just far enough for Loki to nip it.

‘I beg to differ, but you certainly do. It’s honestly no matter though; I can think of no better lullaby.’ Loki smiled, and Thor beamed in return, causing his heart to flip wildly in his chest.

It’d been years, too many of them to keep track of, and Thor still managed to illicit feelings in Loki that were so strong, so _visceral_. He almost forgot sometimes, that he was a centuries old God of Asgard, and not some besotted teenager, what with how many times butterflies flew from his stomach whenever Thor so much as _looked_ at him. But it just went to show that, with all the years between them, Loki only fell deeper in love with Thor. And he was sure that Thor would say the same of him.

 

He could remember, very fondly, the first time that they had been married.

The wedding had been Loki’s idea; he hadn’t exactly _proposed,_ but Thor had said yes nonetheless. And on a warm Thursday in Wellington, they had said their ‘I do’s’.

Loki could remember the day so clearly; the air was so sweet, the water of Ohwiro Bay so clear behind them. The ceremony took place on Ohwiro beach, and they both wore shirt sleeves and bare feet. Valkyrie was Thor’s best maiden, and surprisingly, Sif was Loki’s; it was, ironically, the most perfect turn of events possible. Few actually attended the ceremony, but it didn’t bother Loki all that much. Thor’s precious Avengers were there (he’d received threats from Natasha, Tony and Banner separately and then as a team act, and to be perfectly honest, Loki was genuinely scared (not that he had any intentions of ever hurting Thor again)). What few friends that remained from Asgard were also in attendance. And, call him spiritual or a spook, but Loki could feel the presence of their parents too, and the Warriors Three, visiting from whatever ethereal plain they dwelled in.

He remembered, quite vividly, the expression on Thor's face as Natasha walked him down the makeshift aisle towards Loki. He could remember the salt of the tears that trickled down his face, how they tasted like happiness. And in that moment he remembered being elated, ecstatic, higher than any human drugs could make him feel. He was so very grateful that he hadn't thrown all of this away, that the only person who _truly_ knew Loki had sat on next to him on a bridge and talked about the weather, that he had walked away from the edge he had placed himself on, and that he had lived. In the time he had spent repairing himself, he had come to the realisation that this life was amazing, and Thor was amazing. And he had shown Loki that he had so very much to lose.

Since the ceremony on the beach at Ohwiro, they’d had many more in the years that followed. They were always simple affairs. Always in new and exotic places. And always filled Loki with euphoria, counting his blessings and being grateful for them. After too many years had passed, and their friends dwindled into single digits, they stopped holding ceremonies, keeping their love all to themselves by renewing their vows to each other on many of Midgard’s mountain tops. It didn’t matter how many ceremonies or declarations of love they shared, though, none of them would stick more clearly in Loki’s memory than the first. It was one of his most treasured memories, and he made sure that it was immortalised, just as they were.

It still wasn't easy, looking at his reflection in the mirror and loving everything that he saw, but it was so easy to love Thor, and have Thor love him in return.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hhahahahahahhahai'mawalkingclichehahahahahahahaha
> 
> again, i haven't been to wellington, so i apologise if i have portrayed it incorrectly. 
> 
> title is from nothing but thieves' 'if i get high'

**Author's Note:**

> i've never been to norway so i actually don't know if the weather is terrible in winter pls correct me if i am wrong pleasesorrythankyou


End file.
